


A Grim Reminder

by moricat



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eremin - Freeform, M/M, erearu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 14:13:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8330851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moricat/pseuds/moricat
Summary: A self indulgent comfort oneshot post-war eremin story: in which Armin confronts some of his inner demons from his war past.





	

**Author's Note:**

> In this New World setting, (which is more of a fanon epilogue, really) the scouts have somehow won the war and are settled comfortably in the outside world (in a lovely open place near the ocean).  
> Armin had risen in ranks and worked alongside Eren as the saviors of mankind.
> 
> This was written before Armin's fate as the new colossal Titan was released in the canon.
> 
> I forgot I even wrote this lol and it's really unpolished, maybe I'll clean it later.

_The Salacia district of the new settlement was full of life and beauty. In the aftermath of humanity’s war with the Titans, mankind has resettled these vast wild lands, teeming with endless fields of colorful hidden wonders to discover. This district, settled by the sea coast, is the dwelling of the remaining members of the 104th cadet unit, including myself, Eren Jaeger, Mikasa Ackerman, Jean Kirschtein, Connie Springer, and Sasha Braus. Many of our surviving comrades from the war also live here including captain Levi Ackerman and Commander Hanji Zoe, while many of our other comrades simply pass through during their travels._

_Eren and I have been traveling the world together since the end of our army days, exploring as much of it as we can with our technological ability. Our current home by the ocean is a small but warm and endearing house on the beach, and is essentially everything we could’ve ever hoped for: a view of the world, a free place, and a haven where we could always be together. As far and away from the looks of our army days as you could get, it is quite the lovers’ nest, full of soft lights, warm ambience, various objects we’ve collected from exploring, the smell of the sea, the GOOD sort of coziness, and our windows are always wide open, inviting us to see the free world. As we slowly heal together from our dark days as soldiers, we find new horizons to explore, both in the world, and in our hearts. But that healing is tricky, and it often proves to be a struggle. But more than anything, our new life is wonderful, and more than worth the fight._  
-

On one sunny spring day, the sort of day we always welcomed as it warmed our bodies and our hearts the way our old walled world refused to, my love and I were riding our horses through a beautiful open valley on our way to town. The smell of fresh air never became under appreciated, nor did the view of the endless horizon we could always see ahead of us. Sasha was planning another cook-out for her comrades, as she so often does now since our resettling in these rich lands, and we offered to pick up some spices and extra sides for her as a helpful excuse to to go out that quiet day. Our powerful horses always ran so much more quickly than they needed to as they’d been bred and trained to outrun the now legendary Titan species that once roamed this world, and they desperately craved the exercise. Eren could seemingly relate to them. His energy while joy riding was always a good sight for me to see. His pure thrill of free roaming could be read as plainly as written word through his happy shouting and laughter, which always gave me a big smile too. Of course I can’t help but stare more than anyone else would. I turned my gaze to the huge far off mountain range that overlooked our land. It never ceased to choke me up as it represented the large world we’d been missing from our small cage. The birds flying above seemed less… fantastic to me now, and rather more relatable because I knew that I was as free as them. To see the world, and to do as I pleased. I pet my galloping horse affectionately and returned my gaze to the road ahead. Even the insects were a happy sight to see, as boundless and diverse as the free world allowed them to be. As we neared the small forest ahead of us, Eren called over to me. 

“Oi, Armin! Why don’t we tie down our horses up ahead and just walk for a while? I wanna see if that Apple tree we passed last fall is ripe yet!”   
“Yeah!” 

As we slowed down our horses to a stop, a lady beetle had landed in front of me on my saddle. The bounce from the horse’s slowing trot had knocked him on his back and he was stuck there like that. Upon seeing this, I casually prodded him right side up again so he could successfully fly away rather than remain stuck there. Once I’d seen him fly off, I smiled for him and then tied off my horse to a nut tree at the edge of the forest, by a patch of fresh looking green grass. I pet him again and then walked with Eren into the forest. 

The sunlight shone beautifully through the trees and the leaves. The warm path ahead of us felt like it was a shower of sunshine. And the fact that we could walk freely, as slow as we pleased, without fear of a monstrous threat, was something we both relished in. He pulled me close to him as we went. 

“Think any new animals will show up here now that it’s spring?” He asked me.   
“I doubt we’ll see anything too exciting here since this particular environment isn’t actually a far cry from what we had back in the walls. But there’s definitely some pretty birds I don’t recognize!” I pointed to a bright yellow one on the apple blossom tree before us which sang a sweet song before fluttering away. 

Eren kissed my head and walked up to the tree to get a look at the fresh fruit on it, which looked healthier than anything we had seen before from our overcrowded and consumed lands. He was tall enough to reach the bright red one he had has eye on, a trait I can’t pretend I’m not still somewhat jealous of, and he gave it to me. He grabbed a second one from a lower branch and returned his arm affectionately around my shoulder as we continued walking. I rested my head against him as we nibbled our apples, which we both agreed were incredibly delicious and well worth the wait and, jokingly, the _war_. 

My eyes were constantly drawn to something new on our walk, especially to the various wild flowers. Each one was a kind I’d never seen before, all of which made me grin. Suddenly a fox ran by, chasing a squirrel up a maple tree. The squirrel hopped branches onto another tree and so forth as the fox continued to chase after him from the ground, out of our sights. 

“You know, I hate to see that poor little squirrel get eaten… But I guess that’s just nature, isn’t it? The fox has to eat too…” I commented. 

I didn’t realize it at the time, but my expression must have actually been quite sad as it seemed to insight concern from Eren. He didn’t really know what to say to that, as was obvious in his answer: “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” Meaningless as he knew that sounded, his tone was still very sweet.  

We continued walking, nearing the edge of the forest which would lead into town, before we’d suddenly heard a noise approaching us from behind. Though any regular person wouldn’t have worried so about such a trite noise, I instinctively pulled us both off the path to hide by a tree, and listened intently to find out what it was. Call it a bad habit of sorts from days of battle and endless deadly surprises. Eren wrapped his arms around me, preparing to defend us from any impending danger that might be approaching. Within a moment, the “threat” came into view and it was nothing more than a couple of innocent fellow civilians riding in on their way into town. I blushed for my blunder while Eren simply sighed and chuckled to relax us both. We came out from behind the tree and I waved at the approaching citizens in friendliness. 

“Oi! Up ahead!” They called.   
“No way, is that...?”  
“It is! Those battle-tested eyes would be recognized anywhere!” 

They slowed to a stop beside us and Eren and I saluted for them.   
“Captain Armin Arlert! And the great Rogue Titan, Eren Jaeger! Our saviors. This is quite an honor, isn’t it, Tim?”  
“…He’s shorter than I expected.” The grim man said as he stared at me. I was somewhat taken aback by the statement in embarrassment but smiled kindly nonetheless.  
“Sorry. I’m more a man of tall ideas, it seems.” I joked.   
“Hmm.” Tim didn’t seem at all amused.   
“Believe me, this guy is even bigger than the stories can talk about. He’s even more than my very inspiration to fight, itself!” Eren praised, his honest love for me never ceased to show itself, though it had a habit of embarrassing me at times. But I truly appreciate it… What did I ever do to deserve that love?….  
“Imagine that.” Tim darkly replied.   
“Tim, please.” The kind citizen gently scolded. “Forgive my asking, but have you been able to relax since the war? I imagine it’s quite hard to do so. You’ve seen such uhhmm… Terrifying things, I’m sure.”   
“Well, I’d seen some pretty terrible things even before the war. But my Armin here’s not afraid of anything.” He put is hand on my shoulder. “We’re getting along fine.”   
“…Yeah.” I said meekly with a small smile “It’s nice to be able to move on from those days… Finally…”   
“Tch. Unbelievable.” Tim brooded.   
“Eh?” I looked up at him. He dismounted his horse and came angrily towards me. 

“You son of a bitch, you can sleep well at night knowing you’ve sent countless comrades to their deaths????!!!! I can’t even imagine how one could possibly kill a human either!!! I can only guess it takes a monster like you to do so, Captain!!!”   
“– I–”   
Eren tried to speak diplomatically, as he knew a seasoned soldier should, but I could hear him very clearly struggling to suppress his rage. “Sir, with all due respect, this man is a hero, he delivered us from the evil we were living under! He’s the reason you’re even able to walk freely through this forest as loudly as you please!”   
“I don’t need to hear it from you, Titan-chan! This little imp’s judgement calls cost many people their lives!” He directed his fury back at me again. “Many members of humanity died for your cause! Many human lives lost for the sake of what you also _claim_ is human life! Human ‘ _freedom_ ’! Bullshit! You wanted to go outside and seek riches! Be it goodies or maybe just an ocean view! You lusted for a forbidden fruit the King told you you couldn’t have! And like a bratty baby you just couldn’t take no for an answer! And like a monster you threw human beings away just to get your bloody little mits on it!” He never stopped for a single beat of his rant, while I had to gesture for Eren not to yell at him. “I lost family in the scouting legion! They told me he died under Captain Arlert’s call! The man who was even witnessed shooting a woman in broad daylight once! I’d imagine even your sour eyed beastly boyfriend here would’ve been tantamount to Titan food if it came between him and the goodies of the world you couldn’t stop drooling over! Well I’m not a sucker! I’ll never bow my head to a pig hearted– MONSTER like you! Saviors or not, as far as I’m concerned, the most I owe you, is a punch to the mouth!” 

I ran away.  
“Armin!” Eren called to me but I was long gone.  
Without another word, Tim mounted his horse again and galloped off. Eren said his friend felt visibly ashamed and sorry but not knowing what to say, he quietly followed him on his own horse.

I ran as deep into the forest as I could before getting tired and stopped beside a tree surrounded by some concealing shrubbery. I sat down, held my head in my knees, and cried as quietly as I could, not wanting Eren to find me and see me like this, if I ever wanted him to see me again at all… I could hear his voice in the distance calling me, but I ignored it and just sat quietly, hoping he’d pass over me and I’d be left alone. 

The brush beside me silently revealed the fox I’d seen earlier. I looked up at him sitting there and his dark eyes met mine. He blinked slowly at me, before running away without making a single sound. 

I held my head in my hands, pulling at my hair, heaving and sobbing into my knee, trying so hard not to hear Eren. 

“Armin!!! Armin, come back, please!!! Come on, that guy has no idea what he’s talking about! I know you, you’re not a monster, you’re a good person! Armin!!! Where are you?! Please, come out!”  
I remained silent. But his shouting for me continued. I could hear his voice sounding from all around me as he searched all over.  
“Armin!!! Please!!! Listen to me!… Everyone got their hands dirty in the war! EVERYONE. Even the citizens did! You’re no more monstrous than any single one of the other humans I’ve met in my life at one point or another. Including myself! But you’re kind, and generous, and you inspire me to go forward every single day!… You’re a GOOD person Armin!… You’ll always be good, to ME!…”  
I could hear his voice breaking as he pleaded to me. It was becoming hard to bear. But I held steadfast to my silence. I loved him too much to burden him with my evils. But he continued.  
“Armin!… Armin… I love you. You know I do… Please, I know you’ve sinned… I know there’s no denying that, and you can’t take it back, no matter how much you want to, no matter how many more people you’ve saved! That sin won’t go away, and it must weigh hard on you!… But I’ve sinned too, I’ve made the wrong call so many times, I’m trying to reconcile my own inevitable doom to hell! But please, please Armin, just let me be with you! Let me tell you how good you are, let me remind you what good you’ve done I–… Please don’t leave me… I’m sorry, Armin…” His voice trailed off into soft sobs.   
No part of me wanted to talk about myself to him. No part of me wanted to let him comfort me. But every part of me wanted to hug him and tell him HE’S a good person. So finally, I had to break my silence. 

“Eren?”  
He quickly made his way my direction as I scrambled to wipe my tears and nose futily to hide the evidence of my crying.  
“Oh, thank God!” He exhaled when he finally found me, and immediately sat down beside me, kissing my face all over. Without letting the subject inevitably turn into myself, I said what I wanted to say.  
“You’re amazing, please don’t ever forget that you are.”  
He guffawed. “You’re telling ME not to forget? Armin… Look, that guy had no idea what he was talking about, alright? He wasn’t there, he didn’t see what you’ve seen, he didn’t have the misfortune of having to make those calls, and he probably would’ve lost the war if he had. Don’t let his words get to you…”  
I looked away and argued back sadly, “He’s right though… I made those calls, I sent people to their deaths, I hurt people, in the name of freedom, all for… This… Just this… extra room… I have no right to forgive myself… There’s no way I can ever make up for what I did. I can’t erase my sins, Eren… I am a monster…” 

He was silent for a moment, I assume, collecting his thoughts… before determinedly speaking to me. “You’re not a monster. It’s true, you’ve sinned. I mean, you’ve done some bloody things and made some horrific calls and cost the lives of many soldiers in the name of freedom. There’s no erasing that. But… Who you are, isn’t just what you did in the past. You’re kind, and generous, and loving, and dear… You always care so deeply about people and you help them any chance you get. Even when you don’t have to.” He held my cheek in his hand. “Sure, you can’t erase the past… But you don’t have to, either. What you need to do is just… move forward… and offer up your heart to people before you now. And that’s exactly what you do! You’re always kind, always friendly, always offering a hand to those in need. Even just earlier today I noticed you help that dumb lady bug on your horse back to flight!” He laughed “You didn’t have to do that. It’s just a bug, a meaningless insignificant bug! But you did… Even when you thought no one was looking. There are so many people in this world who wouldn’t so much as _look_ at a person in need before them. But you… You go out of your way for them.”  
I chuckled. He continued.  
“You’re not a monster, Armin. You’re human. Humans aren’t perfect, but amidst that, they’re also beautiful. He brushed my ruffled hair aside from my eyes and looked into them. My tears couldn’t be hidden, unfortunately. I hate crying in front of him, even now, to this day, but he never seems to mind. He ran his thumb over my eye lid to dry my tears, and his other hand followed suit on my other eye as he held my face gently. 

"The guilt’s never going to go away though… It’s the peace with it I crave… It’s unattainable…”   
“…You just have to keep living, Armin. You just have to keep going and do what your good heart tells you. And be the person you’re meant to be for the REST of your life. I KNOW it hurts that you’ve survived, believe me, I know that pain… but, you definitely make it count.” His eyes looked into mine with deep sincerity for his words, and his hands moved down to mine.   
“…Thank you…” I mustered.   
“…If nothing else… You’ll always be a good person to me…” He smiled, tears in his own eyes, just unabashedly present before me. 

I kissed him. His arms pulled me closer.   
“I love you.” I muttered into his lips.   
His breath of relief as he hugged me brought my heart beat back to normal. I rested against him a moment before a lady beetle landed on my hand. It crawled around there for a second, likely feeling nothing, of course, but I wanted to believe it was affectionate. Childish, maybe, but I felt better when I thought it. I smiled as it flew away and Eren kissed my head before his soft voice proposed our next step. 

“Hey, listen. How bout we go and finish running Sasha’s errand, but after we deliver her stuff, we’ll skip the cook out and go home. I feel like you should rest now instead of socializing for today.”   
My face again at rest in his hands, I conceded. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I don’t wanna bring down Sasha’s party.”

He stood up and offered me his helping hand. I wanted to reject it.   
“Eren?…”    
He gave me his full attention. I wanted to express how thankful I was, better yet to make him feel like he makes me feel… but here I was, at a loss for words.  
“I… I’m so grateful you’re here… Eren… Thank you. Truly from the bottom of my heart, thank you… For everything.”  
He blushed. “Aru–”   
“Please love yourself, Eren. God knows I do…”   
He laughed, still holding his hand out to me. I finally took it and he pulled me up straight into a kiss. 

His lips, his arms, his eyes, his heart, his love… All of these things,-- all of _him_ , meant the world to me. Nothing could ever make me feel like he does. Once we finally broke away from that healing kiss, he tugged at my hand to leave.   
“Come on. Let’s go…”  
I nodded, “Mm.”


End file.
